The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
