Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
