remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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