look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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