I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The uberlube is also flammable
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
