Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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