i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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