batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
