We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand Curling. That high.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
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