I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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