Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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