Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
