Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
