I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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