Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
