New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
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I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
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Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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