just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
