I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
