...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
