well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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