doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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