and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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