Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
