Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
