but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
