I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
