So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The best revenge is premature balding
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
