I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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