she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
