awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize