I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
