Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
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I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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