I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
