My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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