I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
