My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
we should paint friendship bongs
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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