that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
