you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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