so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
