im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
The ass gains better be worth it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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