you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
