I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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