I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
