you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
