I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.