don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
