Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."