he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn