Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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