drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.