Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit

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  (803): Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit http://tfl.nu/192j
  Replies (27) Good night (5085) Bad night (986)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.

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  (727): Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America. http://tfl.nu/b8jy
  Replies (36) Good night (7230) Bad night (1497)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.

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  (317): I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare. http://tfl.nu/t1bj
  Replies (12) Good night (4232) Bad night (1095)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.

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  (513): The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk. http://tfl.nu/ersv
  Replies (2) Good night (3740) Bad night (918)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.

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  (+61): THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/omc3
  Replies (12) Good night (3647) Bad night (910)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.

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  (405): I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway. http://tfl.nu/1jw1
  Replies (11) Good night (2899) Bad night (1555)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be

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  (717): We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be http://tfl.nu/zpkd
  Replies (0) Good night (1247) Bad night (648)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line

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  (516): I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line http://tfl.nu/kwv6
  Replies (10) Good night (922) Bad night (3148)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.

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  (570): I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women. (570): You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force. http://tfl.nu/ij9q
  Replies (6) Good night (1235) Bad night (567)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.

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  (509): This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it. http://tfl.nu/jpqq
  Replies (4) Good night (874) Bad night (504)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.

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  (423): I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings. http://tfl.nu/2rp0
  Replies (5) Good night (1644) Bad night (426)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits

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  (775): He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits http://tfl.nu/c5ul
  Replies (4) Good night (860) Bad night (603)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink

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  (307): We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink http://tfl.nu/q4ce
  Replies (0) Good night (711) Bad night (334)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?

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  (276): Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this? http://tfl.nu/9myy
  Replies (6) Good night (1019) Bad night (248)
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  (707): View more from California

  I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao

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  (707): I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao http://tfl.nu/tkie
  Replies (5) Good night (325) Bad night (113)

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