Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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