my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
