So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
