There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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