Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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