I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
