I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
