hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
