if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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