just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
