i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
