why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
