He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
