So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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