People in love make me want to vomit
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
