my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
