Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
