God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
