its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
