Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
