I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
