I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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