I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
