having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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