So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
